


But The Vision

by serialkarma



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 09:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4619889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serialkarma/pseuds/serialkarma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heav’n but the Vision of fulfill’d Desire,<br/>And Hell the Shadow of a Soul on fire.<br/>--The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyam, stanza lxvii</p>
            </blockquote>





	But The Vision

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in that nebulous time between 4x21 and 4x22. Or possibly later, really.

Dean has a room with one king-sized bed, tonight; no need for two beds if it’s just him. He sleeps curled up, shoulders hunched and chin tucked in, close to one edge of the mattress. There’s not much room, but Castiel sits down in the space bounded by the curve of Dean’s body. They watch him sleep, and Jimmy feels Castiel’s desire to smooth away the pinched line from between Dean’s brows.   
  
But it’s as much for himself as it is for Castiel that Jimmy lifts their hand to brush a thumb gently over Dean’s forehead.  
  
For Jimmy, it is the chance to touch, to connect, with something human—with  _a_  human—that he craves. Ever since he gave his body over to Castiel a second time he has longed almost unbearably for anything human, anything the least bit familiar.   
  
For Castiel, the craving is for something more, and something staggeringly  _un_ familiar. It is the reason he has kept such a desperate hold on his self-control since coming back from Heaven.  
  
Dean sighs in his sleep as their thumb sweeps softly over his forehead, and Jimmy feels Castiel’s control finally crumble. Castiel takes a deep breath, closes their eyes, and presses two fingers to Dean’s forehead. When Castiel opens their eyes again, they are inside Dean’s dream.   
  
They are still in the motel and Dean is still sleeping, but Jimmy knows it is a dream because the room is now a double. Dean is in the bed nearest the door and although he is the only one here (or was until they showed up) Sam’s stuff is strewn on the other bed and there are leftover pizza boxes on the table by the TV. Also, it’s daylight and rain is spattering gently against the window.   
  
Dean is dreaming about taking an afternoon nap.  
  
Jimmy has a moment of empathy so intense it’s like a punch to the stomach. How precious a nap on a rainy day seems to him now; something he would dream about, if he still dreamed.  
  
Castiel, of course, has no personal experience of the joys of afternoon naps, but he senses Jimmy’s emotions, has his memories, and he does understand what it is to desire a moment’s peace and security.  
  
Then Dean stirs, sighs, and opens sleepy green eyes to look directly at them and Castiel realizes he is beginning to understand desire, full stop.  
  
He realizes also that although the physical yearning he feels (and has been feeling for some time, if he is honest with himself) is rooted in this human body, this is not a yearning that Jimmy shares. Jimmy’s desires have always been for women—for Amelia, for the most part. The beating of this heart, the heat in this belly, the…the  _itch_  in these fingers to touch Dean's face, lips, skin—those are how Jimmy has longed for his wife in the past, but  _this_  longing, here, is all Castiel’s for Dean.  
  
Jimmy, for his part, shies away from any thoughts of his family, whether they are his thoughts or Castiel’s. Amelia and Claire are his, not Castiel’s, and the one part of himself that he shuts away from the angel who shares his body. But although they are what he misses most of the world, they are not the whole of what he misses.  
  
And this, now—the warmth of Dean’s skin under their hand, this unexpected sympathy he’s found with Dean Winchester in the simple, human desire for a rainy day nap—has kindled such a strong need to reconnect with his humanity in any way possible that Jimmy would fall to his knees, if he could.   
  
So this is why he does not turn away, does not let his consciousness fade out for a while as he once might have when Castiel reaches out and cups Dean’s sleep-warm cheek in their palm. This is why he does not protest when Castiel runs their thumb over Dean’s lower lip. And when Dean’s tongue darts out and licks and he feels the heat and the wetness, the gentle suction as Dean pulls the tip into his mouth, that is when Jimmy gives up, gives in, opens himself to Castiel so that, together, they can fall into the warmth of their desires.


End file.
